Mementos of the family and Kath’s time with them

My children, Chris and Louise. Well Louise works as a Marketing Manager, and Chris is an IT Consultant in ‘Digital Migration’… does that mean anything to you?

What am I proudest of, about them?? Well… I think they’re both nice people!  That’s all I can say really. That’s it. I think they’re both kind and they’re good to me. They support me very well. 

My grandson Ethan stays with me overnight every Friday, he’s such a character. Granddaughters Anwen and Megan are inseparable - if you don’t have a sweet for both of them neither will accept.

I’m just surrounded by fantastic people. I just feel like I’m surrounded by wonderful friends who always keep in touch with me. I’m very lucky. They were my support through everything, and I couldn’t have done it without them.

Bicycle Tyre

When Ukrainian families came to Solihull they arrived with very little, with one suitcase each. They certainly had no cars, or bikes, and so were limited in where they could go, just where they were able to walk. So, I sent out an appeal for donations and I tried to find them used bikes. 

The Ukrainian word ‘brama’ means ‘gateway’ in English. I was one of three women who founded the organisation here in Solihull offering support for refugees, asylum seekers and those impacted by disasters. We recognised that to get the support for Ukrainian families we needed, we had to become an organisation. We now support those seeking refuge more widely.  

We offer English lessons, cultural celebrations, exchanges and wellbeing sessions. And up until recently, I was the one who planned the community trips. I do get help now.

Kath’s Cross

I was born into an Irish Catholic family and attended an all-girls Convent School run by nuns all through my youth.

I grew up having little knowledge of other religions. People tend to stick to their own, and so I was always surrounded by other Irish Catholics.

During my time with Brama though I have met people of all faiths. And we’re not that different after all. In fact churches of different denominations were the greatest supporters of our work. Whether from The Mormon Church, The Baptist Church,

The Methodist Church, Church of England or indeed Catholic Churches - in that moment we were all just working together to support our Ukrainian Community when they needed it most.

Ukrainian tablecloth

I think a lot of them will want to stay, I hope because they see a better life for themselves here. And I just wish that people who always criticise, and say, “oh, you know, this country’s going to the dogs” and this country, and that... I’m just... I’m so glad I was born in this country. Can you imagine being born in Iran, or Afghanistan, as a woman?

My family are happy here: Natalia’s really good at what she does - her English wasn’t top notch but she keeps trying really very hard. When she came she used to say “I’ll put my foot on,” and I’d say, “no, no, your shoe... your shoe on.” Natalia’s always got a smile on her face.

I hope that wherever they happen to go next, or stay, my family will take with them the kindness that we showed them.

Flyers and all the necessary organising paperwork

I think I’ve always been a trip organiser. I was in charge of booking our family holidays. In the schools, part of my job was also to organise trips.

And then, for Brama, I’d plan day-trips for the refugees to places like Stratford-Upon-Avon, Oxford, London with charitable support. They always want to go to the beach but you can’t really get to the beach and back in one day, and it starts adding up to add hotels and such. 

At first the Ukrainians thought I was being paid by the government for this, and I don’t think the concept of volunteering was so familiar to them. Now, they’ve helping organise the trips and volunteering too. It’s so nice to see them flourish and take control. 

Now I’m the trip organiser for the U3A. I feel like a travel agent but I thoroughly enjoy it.                   

An assortment of games for getting involved

People won’t knock on your door. You have to go out.

You first make friends at places like the school gates, you know meeting the other mothers and such. But your children grow up and you lose contact. So I joined the school PTA committee.

I played badminton. I’ve made such good friends at Brama, they inspire me with their courage and resilience.

You just get involved, you know, with the church, with the community groups.

I’ve now joined several activity clubs as part of the U3A for fun in retirement. What’s funny is that all the parents I used to meet at school are now part of the U3A too, so it's come full circle.

Items that connect Grace with her Family

Grace

In Hong Kong my relationship with my younger brother wasn’t very close. We were both busy with work, always rushing, always trying to keep up with life. Even though we lived in the same place, we didn’t always have time for each other. There were so many people wanting our attention.

At the same time that we were moving to the UK, my brother, his wife and their daughter were too. Now they are the only family we have here and our relationship has changed.

We see each other more. They come to our house just to chat and we have dinner together. Nothing formal. Just family time.

Sometimes we even go to the supermarket together, like COSTCO, to do a big shop!

Wedding Photo 1981

Grace

Ricky and I got married in 1981, which still surprises people when they hear it. That’s 45 years. We’ve always lived a simple life, not really celebrating anniversaries. We certainly never expected to have our own museum. We’re just ordinary people.

Ricky was born in Hong Kong and I was born in mainland China, moving to Hong-Kong when I was five. We met in our twenties or early thirties, where we built our life and where we raised our child who is 36 now. We never thought we would leave, but at the beginning of 2021, something shifted. Hong Kong didn’t feel optimistic, and the decision for Ricky and I was sudden.

We knew we just had to get out and that was the very first time we stepped onto UK soil. We have been here since and have made this home.

Memories of hosting

For me, Covid was tricky, but I went to live with Louise for six weeks which helped.

And again, because I’ve got wonderful friends, we did a lot of walking.

Then with the problems in Ukraine, I was just watching the news and it was just terrible. But, the Government were calling out for hosts and I thought ‘could I do it?’

Then I thought “yeah I think I can, I got through Covid. I have the room. I can cope for six months.”

A grandmother, mother, and son stayed at my house, and we had such laughs. TheGrandmother Luida didn’t speak any English but it's amazing how you can connect and she was ever so funny. The mother Natalia reminded me so much of my daughter Louise, and they both work in marketing. And her son Kiril spoke excellent English, he even corrected mine!

I was very lucky, I was just so lucky, they were just a lovely family.

Representations of Phil and Kath in the early days of their relationship

We met at work. He was in accounts and I was in HR. It was the CEGB, but it’s PowerGen now - the electricity generating board - and no there wasn’t any electricity at all for me and Phil at first. Absolutely not. I didn’t even tell anyone we were going out for a very long time.

I’m from an Irish Catholic background. And, I’m talking 50 years ago when Irish Catholic families weren’t so... open, shall we say. So until I met Phil I’d always gone to Irish dances and I’d had Irish boyfriends and everything was fine.

Then this Mod shows up. He turned up to work in a dusky pink suit, platform shoes and a long black leather coat. We were like chalk and cheese really.

He wasn’t really the type of man you’d bring back to meet your Irish Catholic parents.

But we lasted the call so it was okay.

Various pranking materials

Honestly, there would be children who would come and knock at the door and ask me if he could play out. I’m not joking. He never grew up.

He was a great Dad. Playing football in the lounge with my son, and swinging my daughter over the landing were things I would shout at him for, but he was great. He once chased them around the house with a frozen trout, all the things a normal dad would do.

Phil loved encouraging people to ‘do things’, to see them do well, to take a chance and go for it. After all, life’s short.

He kept his humour, right to the end, absolutely. Two and a half months before he died the cancer moved to his spine and he lost the use of his legs leaving him paralysed from the waist down. He used to get our son Chris over to ‘discuss work’, because Chris worked in IT as well. He’d put on a shirt and tie on top, in bed, with his pajama bottoms below. And, this was before the days of Zoom.

Travel souvenirs

Phil was the main breadwinner, absolutely. And we loved travelling together, so we did a lot of it. I’ve been ever so lucky.

We’ve been to South America, Machu Picchu, Australia. Ushuaia - which is the southernmost town in the world. You step out there and you step into the ocean, it’s where the Perita Moreno iceberg is.

Definitely not lying by a pool for us, we were out exploring, interested in everything, I still am. And, thank God we went on our travels then and didn’t save it till our retirement because... well you just don’t know do you?

I would also just like to add that, if possible, I hope in my lifetime I can go back and explore Ukraine alongside the good friends I’ve made since the war started.

Chemo bottle in shirt pocket

He was ill for three and a half years. And in between chemo he always wanted to do ‘something’. Because chemo is cyclical there was this one week in between that he felt good. And he used to do so much then.

His friend would take him to a driving range, and he’d have this bottle of chemo in his top pocket because it needed to infuse. He wrote Gin and Tonic on it. The oncologist went mad, he said “don’t tell me anymore.”

On 15th July 2016, Louise got married. Phil was sure he was going to make it, we all were, even though he was paralysed from the waist down. Marie Curie were absolutely fantastic! They said if he was able to, that we could use their van and they’d get him there.

It meant a lot to me, it meant a lot to him too.

Muddy shoes

Have you heard of the Major Series? It’s a fundraising thing. It’s like an army assault course where they train for it and go crawling in the mud and over the... anyway.

Louise and Chris organised a group to do it when Phil was diagnosed and we took a video of them doing it. They raised over £1000 for Cancer Research UK.

Phil showed the video to the Oncologist and said “this is what my son and daughter have been doing... I thought you’d like to see”.

The next time he went, the Oncologist took £50 out of his top pocket and he said “there you go.” Phil replied “I didn’t show you that video just to get money. Everybody you know has got cancer.” The Oncologist said “I want to do it.”

Isn’t that kind?!

Orders of Service and photo memories

Chris’ second little girl Megan was born on 14th April 2016, six weeks before Phil died.

Phil passed away on the 1st July 2016 and his funeral was on the 8th July 2016.

We were surrounded by all of our friends and family.

He thought that he would make our daughters' wedding on 15th July 2016, and we all did too. He sadly passed away just two weeks before.

And me, in that time I surprised myself actually, and I think I might have surprised others. Chris and Louise said “oh Mum, I don’t think you’ll be able to do it” but I gave the Eulogy at Phil’s funeral. And the following week I gave the Father of the Bride speech at Louise’s wedding. Phil was always the speaker, but I surprised myself actually.