Doctorrrr Or Dahhhlings!??

Makeup Set

I naturally did really well in school without really having to try hard. That’s not to blow my own horn, it just seemed to happen that way. I got such amazing grades that career options like doctor, lawyer and other ‘intellectual paths’ were being suggested to me.

In my usual and rebellious way - I decided I would choose my own path.

I’ve always loved dressing up, putting on heavy black boots and think eyeliner during my glam rock/goth era. I loved the film The Rocky Horror Show and hung around with people like me who loved escapism and fantasy worlds. Its where we could fully be us.

I thought I would become a make-up artist in theatre or television, or work in special effects using the images in my head to create unforgettable things. but I wasn’t particularly ‘arty’. Creative yes, but not ‘arty’. I just believed my enthusiasm, talent and sheer passion was going to be enough to see me through to my dream.

Damn It, Janet

Record sleeve

Life happens right??? In 2011 I had a heart infection which sent me to hospital for 4 months. It made me doubt if I had the strength to pursue this high energy career.

I saw how hard my friends worked to get into ‘the industry’, and all the uncertainty that provided. I think following the heart infection a part of me needed stability. Its funny how sudden events in life make you reconsider your path isn’t it?

I work in a completely different area than 17 year old Sarah would’ve ever imagined. I’m the Operations Manager for a company that sits at the intersection between hospitality and IT. It may not sound sexy written down, but I get to use my creativity everyday to see things in ways that others may not have imagined.

I see it all like a puzzle and I make sure it fits together in the best way it can. I work with coders to design techy fixes which may not have existed before. I love it so much. Getting to grips with systems that didn’t fit neatly together and like a rubix cube, working on it until they click into place.

Yellow Energy and High Vibration

Steampunk clothing, makeup

My family nickname has always been “Toots”. It comes from my mum’s name for the bump that was me being the “Tootie Bump” and no-one can quite remember where it came from, but the name has stuck. In a lot of ways, it’s really fitting for me.

My mum, who I describe as a crazy, tree-hugging inspiration, says I have ‘yellow energy’. She says I’m very ‘high vibration’. It basically means I’m loud, vibrant, sociable and with an abundance of energy.

And, as a 5ft 8' woman with bright, long red hair, well... you notice me when I walk into a room. You won’t lose me in a crowd, at a gig or out dancing because in heels I’m well over 6ft.

I’ve worked at being intentionally comfortable in my skin. I feel that if people are going to look at me anyway, I may aswell give them something to look at. On my terms.

Steam Punk Sarah!

Steampunk clothing, photograph

Like most women, I’ve faced body image challenges. Being tall and curvy means I’ve had to get used to being looked at. This wasn’t always easy for me and so I worked on embracing all aspects of me, both on the inside and in how I proudly take up space with my tall and curvy body. I now do so confidently and without any shame.

There is so much I love about dressing up for Steam Punk events. I love how feminine the corsets are and the colourful details that go into the costumes. I go all out; wearing extravagant outfits that capture my personality and make the most of my height and body type. I’ve had to get used to being looked at, so go ahead... look at THIS.

It’s the theatre kid in me who hasn’t really gone away. It’s Steam Punk Sarah, who loves the chance to step into fantasy and make-believe. Everything else in life stops in those moments and I’m a character. There are pictures of me attending a particular Steam Punk weekend in Lincoln when in real life, I am going through a devastating time. You wouldn’t think it in my finest corset.

The Village That Raised Me

Book, rosette

I consider myself really lucky to come from a large extended family.

When I was little, we all lived together in the same village just outside Grantham. My granddad and step-grandma owned a large boarding kennels. Me and my parents lived down the road from them and in the other direction lived my Grandma and step-grandad. It felt like the whole village were my relatives.

Mum had a very busy corporate job so I spent a lot of time at the boarding kennels, helping out, looking after the dogs and cats, cleaning up and just being a part of the team. I sometimes think this is why I was so clever at school, because I was treated like an adult and taken seriously from a young age. I got to sit at the table and join in with grown up conversations, so I’ve never been afraid to speak up and be heard.

The stability of that upbringing is so much a part of who I am today:

Strong and Capable.

Two Hearts Are Better Than One

Books, photo created by Sarah

Family can sometimes be the silver lining when really terrible things happen. I was born with a hole in my heart, but it’s never stopped me from living my life to the fullest.

I had finished college and was getting ready to go to Uni, when I started to feel unwell. I ended up spending four months in hospital, surrounded by very sick people, lonely people and dying people, undergoing surgery and recovery. For a very ‘yellow energy’ me, this was a very difficult time. I had an infection in my heart.

Mum and I were within a very rocky relationship and we weren’t particularly close. Her and dad had divorced, mum remarried, and I didn’t feel part of her new life.

But, during those life-changing months in hospital, it was mum by my side, giving me holistic treatments to help me with my mood and with my healing - she was there. And in those long hours together, we rebuilt our relationship to where it is now: strong and loving. Those months in hospital put so much into perspective and gave me such clarity. I couldn’t have got through it without my mum by my side.

It Takes A Village To Raise A Child

Family picture, toys

Over the years, I’ve built my own village. I have the one I grew up in, where I gained the confidence to be fiercely ME. I now live just up the road from mum.

I married a wonderful man called Gareth, who was already a father to Jack who is 14 now and I’ve had the joy of being a part of his life since he was just 2. Gareth my husband is a nurse and so he is a very nurturing person.

In many ways it feels like we are all on this journey together. Jack is even getting ready to do nighttime feeds (or so he promises) and Gareth is excited to be a father again. Between my mum, my dad, my stepdad, Gareth, Jack and our cousins and gradparents, everyone is so excited to meet this new addition to our village.

I’m being practical and baking this little bun as best I can, but love seeing how excited they all are. I may not show it them, but they know me well enough to know the truth. And as for being potentially being outnumbered by boys in my house... well, The Rocky Horror Picture Show will always be prioritised over the football. It’s Astounding.

Excel-ling At Motherhood Already

Work shoes

I’m not trying to rain on anyone’s parade or stop them from getting excited, but for lots of reasons, I find it more comforting to keep a steady mind and remain practical.

The ladies at work (and probably my mum too) like to tease me about having spreadsheets to help me plan maternity leave, the first weeks of baby being here and how I plan to get ready to return to work after maternity leave.

Because of past experiences and because of my creative and questioning mind, I find that I can easily start to spiral when I’m a little worried about anything. My brain gets ahead of me and starts inventing scenarios and outcomes which can make me panic.

There is something about the layout of a spreadsheet, its neat boxes that you can colour-code, tabs that you can name, all those little details of it, it really calms me down. And while I know that the reality of a little person coming into your life is that nothing goes to plan, I’ll happily deal with that when it happens. For now, I’ve got my spreadsheets to keep me grounded.

A Child Of The Woo-Woo And A Child Of The World

Steampunk clothing, workwear

My mum was raised by her means, knowing about the moon and rituals. I love receiving one of her holistic treatments and I’m not shy about messaging her on my way home from a stressful day at work to request some reflexology. We both love dancing too. Belly dancing especially, and yes, we have been in the same groups plenty of times. I’m no stranger to the woo-woo side of things.

At the same time, I’m very practical and realistic about things. I love the order and straightforwardness of planning, and those colour-coded spreadsheets. In that way I suppose my feet are also firmly on the ground.

I can balance both of those worlds and my personality is like a bridge between them both. It might seem like I’m the opposite of my mum, but we’re so similar actually. I totally intend to let her be a magical grandma for my son, and one thing he and I will have in common is that we’ll know about both fantastical worlds, finding our unique ways to balance both.

Baking This Bun

Boots, statue

I wonder what kind of mother I will be?

Will my work still be as important to me as it is now, or will I make him the centre of my whole world and personality? I don’t think I’ll go that far, but I might. I’m ready to let motherhood change me and I will go with the flow of whatever that brings.

I’ve been watching my body change and have tried to look at it positively, recognising that it needs to change to bake this bun. But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a little bit of me that is looking forward to getting back to my routines and expressing myself through dressing up and feeling good.

I know that my body will be different after he arrives and I see that as all being part of the new mum he will bring. As for his wider ‘village’; watching Jack become a big brother, seeing my grandparents with their great-grandchild!

Well.. it will all be so special.